this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
