you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
