I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
You are a genius and a whore.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
