Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
