I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
3pm strippers are depressing
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
