Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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