Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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