I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
