i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
