Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
