I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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