She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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