Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
COCAINE IS GR8
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
