Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
