I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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