Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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