Your tits are I can't wait for
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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