Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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