so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
