2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Randomize
