I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
