seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
