Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Still dying that you shit outside
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
