Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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