Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
