do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
