I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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