About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
