you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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