I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
