I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Randomize
