you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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