whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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