You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
