Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
