i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
