Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
