So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Randomize
