I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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