I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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