I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
