I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I want to walk on stilts...naked
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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