It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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