I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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