Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
