I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I want her autograph on my taint
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
