What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
