Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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