The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
