I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
