I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
