my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
