Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
