OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
wat bout pragnant strippers??
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
