i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
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