I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Randomize
