no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Randomize
